Louie Bossi

(skipping ahead to this topic)

The other weird feelings are deep rooted in my feelings about pretty much anything and how I go about expressing them. This is easy for me, writing these thoughts/feelings down in a notebook free of judgement or consequence, majority of which will never be share. Not necessarily due to the fear of judgement, but because of the lack of purpose. What reason do I have to share and what am I looking to accomplish by sharing it. The added benefit I get of the notebook method is that I get my thoughts/feelings out of my head and onto paper where I get to read it back as if I wasn’t the author, where I try to be as objective as I possibly can be about what I’m reading. While this is great for me, it’s not really helpful to others who may be around me. Let’s not even get on the subject of attempting to get involved with someone. If I had to think of where I’ve completely lacked it has been making my feelings known with someone I’m involved with or want to be. I know where much of that comes from and of course like most things stems from, a person’s childhood. One way or another, expression or attempts at such were met with a silence. From this and other similar events I’ve grown to embody the message that I can’s/shouldn’t express how I feel about anything to anyone. Yet here we are, me writing and you reading. This has really been my only true from of expression. So why is this the topic? I’ve begun the process of letting people in, forever shedding that embarrassing moment at Fairway Elementary where Mr Balchunas had to talk to me before lunch one day about my craftsmanship using my mother’s computer (Windows 95 I think was the OS) to create a card telling a girl that I liked her, along with many other embarrassing moments during adolescence around expressing one’s self. So back to the question of why this topic. I can look at my life across the board and say I’m doing pretty well in a ton of areas, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my own shit to deal with or work through. Not expressing myself in the past has been my achilles heal. I have a number of stories about the one that got away and not because I didn’t care or didn’t want anything more or serious, I just didn’t know how to say it. I guess this is a PSA to my future Queen. I’m finally working baby, see you when I see you.